OMG!

OMFG!! I honestly dont know what happened to me heart, but it hurts when I hear those words. Me stupid, still believe that such miracle exist. Me go sleep now... :(

出乎你的预料

刚才她来了，把东西搬着搬着时，发现到原来我在她心目中已经什么都不是了，我去年给她的钻石项链，已经不在她身边了，我们的照片，也因为这样，她叫我扔了。。。我们的回忆，我们的所有所有，就在今天毁灭了，原来我只不是一个她生命的路过人，我再也不是她的谁了。

就因为她的残酷，帮她收了她的东西，搬上了车，我也很潇洒的离开了。整个过程中，真的好多回忆在我脑袋，仿佛这还是昨天，她那紧张下楼梯的样子，她要出大门前所做的一举一动，她流汗抹汗的时候，她开车坐上的粗鲁，那不再重要的微笑，所有的点点滴滴，就在这部洛克写完后，就会像她那样，永远都不会再是我生命的一部分。

今年的圣诞，今年过年，情人节，还有其它的日子里，其实很想跟一个人度过这一些，就因为觉得她跟我在这方面很像，跟她在一起很舒服。。。所有东西都可以把它抛一边，把我的所有给了他，不出声都好，她都会一直在那边讲，好像当了这就是她的世界，所有的空间都属于她的，要讲就讲，要做就做。。。看到她，我总觉得是我让这世界失望了，这世界依然还在支持我，告诉我你是能的。。。

my love for you ends today, wish you all the best with your new guy. My beloved Wifey

My immortal

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears

Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

Remember then....

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

说好的幸福

我单身咯。。。眼睛肿肿的，我还给一个青春无敌美少女安地讲我眼睛肿到连眼珠都看不见了，我答应了她也答应了自己，我会比她更快乐。。。我这幸福就得带给下一个幸运者啦。。。哈！过了今天我就会完全放下她咯，有可能吗？只要相信就有可能。。。

Not easy to be me

今天一早就听到了坏消息，我的感情世界终于结束了。。。
去看了电影，还跟几个朋友聊了一下。。。
他们说我很坚强，把东西看得很开，有第三者的出现还能那么冷静。。。
我只能笑笑的，其实我再多么柔弱都得坚强，
难道真的那么容易吗？跟一个人同屋，同床那么多年了，
我在多么坚强都会被那些回忆打败。。。
但如果人家显得出我的柔弱，那我实在太naive了。。。
我好友讲我很棒，讲的到的事真的发生在我身上我一样可以办得到。。。
其实那是因为我必须办得到，我没得选择。。。
在我的世界里，我真的没办法选择，因为我一柔弱下来，
很多东西就没婉转了。。。

life is unpredictable, and honestly, I had quite a day today... thanks to 3 of my frens who came and talk with me, and a very nice aunty who watched a comedy with me even though shes freezing inside the cinema... things will get better, thats for sure... I know it will be because I had no other choice...

歧视

We understand that discrimination exist everywhere in the world. But to what extend? and why can one never eliminate the existence of it? Even though this world had evolve into what we called an evolutionary era where discrimination is minimise, but in different parts of the world, it exist in different forms. Aside from skin colour, which usually is the typical type of discrimination, look at my beloved home country, people don't judge you by what you can do but they judge you by how you live your personal life. They discriminate people who are involved in the same sex (usually hard to tell if one is straight or not), people who had tattoos, males with ponytails, ear rings or even people who dress like a nerd. Depending on the jobs your looking for, people tend to stereotype these people. Why are these people not judge by their performance or KPIs but are judge by how they wanted their personal life to be? Does a tattooed male regional sales manager couldn't get the job done compare to a non tattooed spiky hair male regional manager? Does a multiple piercing with a chestnut coloured hair hotel GM will not be as efficient and assertive as a moustache chubby GM?

To me, its all bullsh*t, how could one be judge like this? It really sadden me when I see people struggling to save this rotten world while fact is we are actually making it worse. I almost forgot how beautiful this world is anymore. Hence, im uploading this few beautiful picture to make myself feel better....^_^

grey grey world

We look back at who we are and we notice, time flies. We been through tides and waves, we been tipsy, high like a G6, but what do we actually earn from each scenario? What do we value? I left my passion for life somewhere in the middle of the earth. I see no evil and I see no angels, I see no life in the day and I see chaos in the night. We named this a culture, we called this an evolution. Is this really where we are living now? We don't really sow what we reap anymore, and if whatever we do, with or without experience makes a different to the world, why is there no consequences in the actions we do? I ain't talking about karma, and yes consequences is not predictable anymore.

We live in a grey grey world, and I had to admit, I hate seeing things in black and white. If you were given a choice of making this world a better place, are you willing to sacrifice millions and billions of life, sometimes, including yourself to see colours restored to this world? I would...

Tell me what do you see

I've done been through the pain and the sorrow, the struggle is nothing but love

I'm a soldier a rider a ghetto survivor and all the above

when i think that i cant, i envision obama, i envision the diamonds, i envision Ferraris

~Maino

what had life brought me?

Was out with a friend just now, and it is for the first time we went out together. Very interesting person with lots of unwise decision, not to say that I'm being judgemental over here but these are among the people that I could actually be youthful again. The more I talk to her, the more I felt I wanna help her, but I really don't know how, my methods might be obsolete. Honestly, I've lost so much confident since I came back here, I lost the motivation to be the person that I promised to be, I'm afraid, furthermore, I still carry the weight of the world over my shoulder.

I so wanted to tell her that hey, look... once you decide you wanted this, make it works, if it doesn't works, make your next thing works with what you had now, don't quit. I looked around myself and I saw disappointment, I saw people that had so much hope for me and when I'm just around the corner, I blew it... By seeing her tonight, I felt there is something I can do to light up that fire in her and hence make mine visible again. I need to reinvent myself once again, or I'll just keep on disappointing everyone...

I'm usually close with people that had broken families or those without a proper family or without a family. I don't know whether its fate that met us together or its something else to made us friends, but I guess it is my duty to get the best out of you. The best part is, these people are usually younger than I am, haa... coincidence? maybe not...

新的开始，新的计划，更大的压力

时间过得很快，转眼间过了两年，我的“完美”计划也将在此转弯。。。

I'm not a person who is considered as someone who has the luck to be where i wanna be, but even how hard life hit on me, i found that there is always someone or something that take all this whole series of unfortunate events off my head and had me back on track. point is, where is my track now? each time you saw the future, the future keep changing. So is there a reason for me to persevere?

everytime i look around, i dunno what is happening to me. i asked myself the same question everytime, what does this world had to do with me? why can't i just be like anybody else? why cant i claim my own space and live without having to care s**t about these "space" that im living in? Im just down to find the better side of me, even heroes have the right to dream, so why am i digging kyrtonite in this one way street? Im only a man looking for my dream, it's so not easy to be me.

不懂是这世界让我失望，还是我让这世界失望？

最近拍了些照片，很喜欢unplugged的照片。没edit过，感觉很真实。。。

Are you willing to fight for OUR future?

Being back with my wifey isn't all happiness but sadly, there is still doubt in this relationship. She promise will care more about things and never cross the line again. Fact is, Im still doubting it. Deep inside my heart, with all that she told me, is she willing to fight for our future now? or is she just another girl who thinks that men should do all the duty while she party off everyday? When I fell in love with this girl, I took her in as my soul mate. I never thought that after 4 years, she told me the exact opposite of what she told me 4 years ago. I was deeply disappointed, not because she had grown into a more socially adapt person, but because that she forgot what she said to me. Im really afraid that 1 day she might leave and take away all I had, Im confused and was pinned down with so many issues right here right now, I never thought she would be giving me such an emotional tension in such a complicated scenario. Should I go before it ends? or should I stay and leave when she want to stay? Im getting a feeling that she's just another person who will stand there and watch while you're been beaten up, maybe I am just another tool. I really do hope Im wrong, but I don't have much time either, give myself another few more months maybe? Give me a reason why would someone want to be with someone who will only share joy and wealth with you and not while your pinned down and humiliated, give me a reason why should I fight for a future that had you in the picture while yours never had mine?

I miss my dad, I heard he got really sick, and my wifey who's living in the same house know nothing about it. It hurts me so much to know that the person I love, made no effort in showing the same love to my family. I still remember when my dad was so sick in the last few months and im so so so worry about him, so I ask my wifey to take care of him, she promised. But she still goes on with her party life, leaving all the caring to my aunt. I pitied my dad, he did so much for this ungrateful girl, taking the car for services, had her cheque bank in for her, but her.... she never even ever buy dinner for my dad, or even help clean the house. Im tired of fighting alone, for a future that had an unreal person in it, who I thought was worth it.

Should I be ridding solo? while waiting for someone who would really appreciate what she had, or what she was given. Im not a religious person but, most of the time, I think its just unfair, she really doesn't deserve all of this.

again? why?

one of my friend posted some new pictures of my "wifey" on the day that they went hiking together, I noticed that there is "someone" missing from the picture and soon enough I knew the answer, then I ask my "wifey" about it. She said no, that "someone" didnt had pictures taken with them, but I already knew that that "someone" indeed had a few pictures taken with them, but she deny it. Fair enough, so i ask her whether she is sure, it took her quite some time to reply though, maybe chatting with someone else? then when the reply came, she said there is a few pictures but that "someone" would want it to be posted cause his girlfriend might be unhappy and stuff. Then, I ask again, did you just happened to remember that or is there any other reason you wanted to hide from me? she said she just remember that, akwardly enough... she told me that she got that memory card from that "someone" last week and hand it over to a friend today, and she remembered to tell her that that "someone" wouldn't want his picture to be posted due to the reasons mentioned above, is it really just a coincident that my "wifey" just happened to forget it and remember about it when i reconfirm with her? It's really hard to believe since after a week she could remember to tell her friend the same info which I ask on the same day and she forget all about it until I reconfirm with her.

Putting that aside, I ask my "wifey" since you know that this "someone" cheats on his own girlfriend and not telling the truth, will you do the same? she said NO, she will never be anything like him, in my oppinion, you just did. You screwed up your lies pretty badly... and it hurts me so much to not understand why my heart still beats for you so much. I guess the price I need to pay is this, even though I alone can withstand hell alone, but I fall for a girl like her, I pitied myself, and I really don't know what to do... All I can do now is pray, pray that everything that I ever thought off is wrong, pray that everything you told me isn't just trying to hit around the bushes and if I stop asking, you get away with it... Why? why can't you just take off your shield when you are talking to me? You know all I seek is truth, no matter how it hurts, I still want the truth, at least I can be decisive on my decisions... I indeed chose to be blind most of the time.

life?

In asian culture, we had a saying 种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆, it means you sow what you had planted, but in reality. Its never like that, I've been through life where each and every person pays a different price. Call it unfair if you want it, but that's just the ugly side of reality. I had devoted all my love to a person, I remember every details, every moment, but its a pity. I lost it, distance makes a difference, but what if you are a nobody? what if there is no opportunity in where you are now and that's the reason you go far away, to make a better future. What if one day, if you didn't took this opportunity which is supposingly far far away, you end up worse than I am today? What if one day, I've broken down, lost everything, no cars, no fancy clothes to make what's Im not? and that person that I devoted my love for the entire life is all that I got? she is practically my life....Why am I ask for more? why am I ask to move heaven and earth? Just to prove that my love is worth?

Memories had flew through my head so much lately, couldn't even forget the day we kissed, the day we hold each others hand so tight, the day we look at the sky and make a wish of how our future will be like. Can i just pretend that airplanes in the night sky like shooting star? I could really used a wish right now....

when disappointment became a routine

Most of the time, people say when you woke up the next morning, its a brand new day, with brand new hope. But what if hope isn't the usual routine? what if disappointment is? what if you woke up the next time, you bring your cheery faces and outlook out that door just to found out that it end up in disappointment? Laugh at me all you can, but everything seems to be abit more than just coincident to me, everything was pretty and beautiful when I enter my dreamworld, the next day, everything changes, my life status changes, my lifestyle changes, my eating habits changes, people around me changes... worse part is, its not evolution, it devolution... its seem like deja vu all together to me, the moment I step my feet on this country, I heard rumors that policies are changing, luckily it doesnt affect me as im not in one of those fields, so I count myself lucky. But since disappointment is part of my routine in life, policies changes not only affect those mentioned in the "rumors" but also me, its almost impossible for me to get a PR here without a freaking job which is so specific, that is totally impossible for me to achieve it without having great, strong connections with people at high places.

secondly, relationships get worse. it's forseeable that long distance does affect it somehow, but not to this extent which I had totally no idea whats happening. she said she changed to the better, i said she lost her true self while changing. To me, her changes is like the beginning of a metamorphesis. A butterfly effect if you want to call it. Then she started to forget about things she promised me, maybe she does that often to other people but not usually me. our anniversary is coming next tuesday. I hope she remember and will give me a call, hope there wont be another disappointment there. I know, there will be people wondering why should a girl call me instead of me calling her? I mean, since she had been taking me for granted for so long, I think she should have at least remember when is our anniversary. If she does remember, i think she will call, if she doesnt, than I guess, Im really just another passer-by.

thirdly, is my freaking housemates, gosh... now i understand why women are the only homosapiens that live longer than men...haa... not like theres any other being... it really hard to be stucked in the mess of these to bitches. honestly, they are the bitches among bitches, i mean if you 2 bitches would want a bitch fight, go on... bitch fight among yourselves... why should I be involved? Along the road...YES, I made some really stupid silly decision in trusting bitches, I agreed to pay full rent and they pay me... I shouldn't have agreed, if something goes wrong... it not only affect my future but also those who had helped me so much in getting this house. It does always start with the girl....it always does... moral of the story, bitches will always be bitches, they never learnt until they start living on the streets themselves without their mummies and daddies... oh...maybe they will only be worse, stray bitches...

fourthly, me, nothing else goes smooth for me, everyday I woke up thinking what kind of disappointment am I gonna face today? my friends told me i should be optimistic on such situation as there is always another side of looking at things, I said I know, but im not headed to that direction. I lost not only my own self confident, i lost my esteem, my support, hope, dreams, passion of life, socialisation, and all others that you can ever think of. Yes, I know... its a disappointment to see me like this, so am I. Im still here, surviving, but this battle seems never ending... I felt im not striking it hard enough, I just merely trying to survive through the day. I said to myself, as long as I saw a glimpse of hope, I wont give up over here... but isn't that just irrational? pursuing hope blindly? I never believed that all good deeds will be rewarded and all that is bad will be punished... we live in a chaotic world, its only just when it is stated in "just" way, there is no simple statement like "killing is violence", while you see armies around the world waging wars among countries killing people. Thats what the world we are living in call "kill to purify the world"...

I thought lightning never strike twice at the same place

I guess when things started to go bad, anything thats bad are attracted to come forward that same period of time. So many issues which make me felt like im pinned down, unable to breathe but at the same time, these issues are peanuts, but because of each peanuts combined is bigger than the mountain, I alone can't move a mountain. For life, I can endure, but for integrity and respect, should I too do the same? I don't know, their is no rational decision model that is applicable for these situations, if i do solve such matter rationally, the ending of it might be very scary. Well, rationally, it make sense, to gain something you need to sacrifice something, its just emotionally, it doesnt feel right. Of course, no one knew it but me... because it involved more then just an emotional touch, it is really scary to make such decisions. I am walking the streets alone, in the dark... hoping I'll be found...

Another Lie you dont have to make

I was chatting with an old friend yesterday and we talk about lots of stuff, suddenly she said I only remember my own angel and forget about other angels. Haa... their name was both Angel, so basically shes just being sarcastic. Then she mentioned about seeing her with R. in the cinema, and she is could so confirm that the date is 21 March as she was there to pick up her boyfriend. Im so blinded by so many lies she made... was so upsad yesterday night, woke up by a horrible nightmare, and she doesn't even care... That was lie number 1 that I knew today, the 2nd lie was tonight, I was told that R. ask her out for lunch today, yes today... through msn I guess, and she just say yes which I wasnt even able to do for the past 2 months when I got back. How lame was I as her so called "hubby"?

I ask her just now where did she have lunch today and she said noodle bar which is very obvious that wouldn't be the usual kind of place where she and colleague would go. so i said, why is she and her colleague went this place for lunch and she said why? cannot meh? and I answered, it just felt weird that you would go there and she answered "oooo..." She doesn't even plan to tell me the truth, worst part is... i did ask her before about R. and I told her I don't trust him, and she immediately said don't worry, he's not interested in me and i could 100% confirm and so do I... I was like wtf???

Hope this doesn't go on because seriously, im really disappointed in you wifey. You never did this kind of act before and I really don't know what else can I do, you told me you wanted to protect yourself so you change, but why are you wearing your armor and shield when talking to me? Am I nothing more than a stranger to you? I thought we promise each other not to lie to each other even the truth hurts that much, I thought after I caught you red handed lying right at my face and called up to apologised, you understand that I am very serious about this... I really do hope this would be the last time...

Jealously is the butcher of all hope...

Well, this post is pretty simple, short but some gaps that I actually notice on my own, which I don't think my wifey will even look at it so no worries, Ill had it on here so at least I knew this is what had be analyse, haaa.... anyway, check on a photo album in facebook on my besties and other of her friend's birthday which happens to be on the same month. I notice the matching dress codes but I notice another "coincidence"... let's just say she likes majority the pictures without the cake on or without all the birthday dudes in it and among all these dudes, there is this dude that she didn't even like at all, how freaky. She had 2 pictures with this dude and she likes when he is taking pictures with other chicks and likes pictures which she is uglier with other dudes...well, you could say as a summary that, every pictures she had with a dude, she likes it....except that particular 2. Why you ask me? 'cause I've access into that album...haa... She probably will like it if she knew I won't be able to look into the album....

My confidence towards this relationship is really really breaking my heart, all I asked for is the truth, if you want to be all mysterious all over me after a 4 years relationship, be my guest... Ill be leaving soon, even though it will hurt me more than anything else. Im not a risk taker, and im afraid, if you are so attracted to the temptations in the outside world without control, there will be more lies coming, and I won't take that chance....

Yes or No?

Yesterday, I told my wifey alot about life, I believe that she doesn't understand it at all. Life is a cost and effect of one chain to another. One is not able to change the world but so does the world wasn't able to change a man. Seems contradicting but its a fact, life starts by giving not by taking, when you take too much, one day you will realise you haven't paid the price and vice versa. My brain is so haywired today and I can't really gave speeches on this. Point is, there is a major differences between the period im back and the period im gone, which is exactly 51 days from this post.

I've told you how much you took everything for granted and you had been so irresponsible on everything you do and still you keep denying it and not knowing where you went wrong. You are so blinded by the temptations you had in your outside world, and you ignore all the ones who really care, you can't even differentiate what are true friends and what are just friends, how in the name of buddha you knew who is your friends? Im tired, seriously... I felt like I've lose control but in control as everything around me needs me to be in control and I nearly collapse a few times and you weren't even there. Im starting to know a different person, you look and talk so like her, but heart of another person, I fell in love and I gave this person all heart, but will this heart ever be found again? or will it just be locked away in Davey Jones locker?

I was told to give myself until August and see how things goes around before a solid, rational decision is made, do not make decision based on emotions. I couldn't agree more, but how can a heart made of blood and flesh endure such pain while this heart had so much more to endure in the process? I thought I've raise you up wifey, I thought I really do, but I guess Im wrong. I really don't know what to do but Im building courage to withstand what is going to happened, no matter what the consequences is, I do because I love you too much, because I will see you everytime I closed my eyes, because I knew that at least you found joy in being this new person. I never felt such agony, emotionally collapsed, will I endure it? I really don't know, and it is the only thing that I can't be assure of.

the question for today, is it a Yes or is it a No? both are very painful decisions, but I guess this is just life. I've paid the price, and I've taken what my price can offer, I guess I really don't understand your "industry", wifey. I guess a professor who never even work in a financial market won't be able to save the world from the economic crisis after all. As my wifey would say, you will understand when you are in the industry. So bugger off you muthafcuking academic dickh3ads... stop telling everyone through media how to save the economy, you never even work in the fcuking financial market before, and you will never understand, I worked in the financial market, so listen up, im defiantely more fcuking qualified to save the world economy.

Moral of the last paragraph, we live in a knowledge and digital economy, not an experienced economy. so please be fcuking grew up, open your eyes. Life is not by living in it, you knew what it is...

Doubt

Everytime, I heard excuses, sometimes, it just doesnt make sense, sometimes, it just doesnt felt real anymore. Everytime I heard something out of your mouth, it says one thing, but it end up another. Im so afraid... i really do, Im starting to be so sure that you really are not longer who you are, what you are now is not who you are, and you doesnt seem to be comfortable with who you are anymore, even in front of me. Just as I called you moments, ago, you told me you are going out with lynn's friend, I kinda doubt that actually.... He live so far away while Ryan live so near. It's just not rational to go to and find a friend that is miles away as if he doesn't have any friends around. Why would you lie again? or did you not? I felt i can't rely my trust on you as much as I do years ago, you've been popular, that's for the better, but you are irresponsible at the same time, not knowing what should be done and what shouldn't be done. You again took everything that people ever gave you for granted, thinking that it should be like this.

Once more, I think I have to convinced myself that there are things far more important than you and me, but the humane side of me said me and you, are unique. Haa...how ashame of me, what have I done to had me paid for this price? I need to try to be who I am and pursue what im intended to do here and get over it, without having you in mind. All of these, are just plain D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-O-N. This is really not worth my time looking into, I tried too hard to poison myself with other distraction to cover up these distraction, I really don't want to end up being a junkie, or just another thug. When there is lacking, there is provision, true? I don't know, but I can't stop believing, 'cause if I do, I lost the battle, and I had no room for failure.

is it only a trip?

Day by day, my emotions had failed me again and again. It's not those emotions that had butterflies and rainbows all over, but those with creepy crawlers and gloomy night. I guess this would have been the greatest test god had ever given me to test on my emotions. I look forward and backward... and whoever she was, isn't there anymore. She is more cunning and selfish now, nothing else matters much in this world except her, she took everything she used to love and care for granted, to her its all just about fulfilling her promises to someone else, she had lost her heart. I've also told her, don't let the world change you, you go out there and change the world, and no matter how the world changes, you blend in, you fit in, you do whatever you want, but never...never ever lose your heart of who you really are.

I guess the temptation she encounter was just too hard to resist, too hard for her to turn her back on. With the short term success and fame and fortune and glory and all those, she turn her back on who she is. I hope she'll find out very soon by herself as I have done everything beyond my power to lead her to the right path, the price? I've turn my back on my own path to do anything in my power to stop her from going off her track. She seem to take "pleasure" from her accomplishment so strongly, but I still saw some good in her, should I continue to save her or should I just leave her where she is and hopefully someday, she will remember what I've said.

She will be coming over in August, but will she still be the person I knew? or will she become more cunning and selfish? Will the environment here change her back? most of all does she really want to come over? I ask her that question, and I was given a straight forward answer, "I promise you before I will come, and I will." It sounded more like just a trip to you, nothing more......

Will this be the end.......? I really do hope I never find out....

Mr Brightside

Having so much thought wondering in my mind lately, starting to doubt that i had the ability to know everything. The person i love the most has evolved into something else....yes...something else not someone else... she drifted so far away from who she was, im afraid....afraid of losing who i once knew and love. She's been meeting out strangers and doing things she never would have done, she been through things she swore she wont never been through, she even lie when she doesnt have to, she's starting to be unfaithful in a sense. she ignore most of what i have to said and said she would take care of herself but fact is, she don't even understand what she is doing, she had indeed overstep the boarder. what is there for me to do? i cant force her into doing something she wouldnt want to, i cant make her think straight any more.

Sometimes, i wish i wouldnt have to know all these. the truth sometimes is just plain ugly, and i guess she plans to hide that ugly side of the truth for as long as she could. There is no other way to get her to say unless i tell her straight to her face, why? you knew you are old enough to understand what i meant, you knew there were lies you wouldnt have said, you knew someone you knew for a week or even month who ask you out alone or vice versa would mean putting yourself in the tip of the iceberg. its not just about crossing the line, its about who you are, i dont even whether what you said to me could be the truth anymore, i dont even know whether those words you tell me, is it really something from your heart or is it something you had to say it for the sake of saying it. furthermore, you had been trying so hard to keep secrets now, i wish i knew what was the reason, and you know the reason is not because i want to stalk on you. if you walk a straight line from point A to point B, it couldnt be anything else other than straight when you walk from back from point B to point A.

another 5 more months, we are going to meet again, but just after 31 days of us being apart, i could see drastic changes which is out of the ordinary. i had forsee this happening, i just wouldnt believe that i was actually correct. i had another vision, of what to be in 5 months.... i really do hope im wrong this time. i really do hope when you come, you come with your heart and soul, not because of your empty promises. that's the last part that i wouldnt want to see as the ones before and the ones coming soon is not pretty as well. i just pray that i have the strenght to witstand this, to keep on standing no matter what.

Betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.

its pretty obvious that nothing last forever. people used to say that girls instincts are better than guys... but i think otherwise. guys instincts are built through time, its based on not only pure action itself but also in the basis of psychology. they say action speak louder than words, i said its bullshit... a tiger can smile, a snake could tell u it loves you, these are all actions to get close to you. i believe that a single lie destroys a whole reputation for integrity.

Oh, what lies there are in kisses?? everytime we touched, everytime we hugged... i thought it was real, but i guess i was right from the very beginning... there are lies behind all your so-called truth. I thought we made a promise to each other about not lying, no matter how bad the truth is...the naked truth is always better than a well dressed lie. I've ask you a hundred times, each time i had the same answer until i was convinced that you are telling the truth, but i guess wat people say are correct. It is easier to believe a lie that one has heard a thousand times than to believe a fact that no one has heard before. it hurt so bad when i knew that what i thought was right is wrong and now its right again? what had you promised him? why when he ask when could he call you again and you answered next month? you know that's when im going back, you know that i don't mind your friends calling you... remember that call you took and talk on and on for approximately 30 minutes? we don't even talk that long and i don't even mind, and you know it.

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you