Doubt

Everytime, I heard excuses, sometimes, it just doesnt make sense, sometimes, it just doesnt felt real anymore. Everytime I heard something out of your mouth, it says one thing, but it end up another. Im so afraid... i really do, Im starting to be so sure that you really are not longer who you are, what you are now is not who you are, and you doesnt seem to be comfortable with who you are anymore, even in front of me. Just as I called you moments, ago, you told me you are going out with lynn's friend, I kinda doubt that actually.... He live so far away while Ryan live so near. It's just not rational to go to and find a friend that is miles away as if he doesn't have any friends around. Why would you lie again? or did you not? I felt i can't rely my trust on you as much as I do years ago, you've been popular, that's for the better, but you are irresponsible at the same time, not knowing what should be done and what shouldn't be done. You again took everything that people ever gave you for granted, thinking that it should be like this.

Once more, I think I have to convinced myself that there are things far more important than you and me, but the humane side of me said me and you, are unique. Haa...how ashame of me, what have I done to had me paid for this price? I need to try to be who I am and pursue what im intended to do here and get over it, without having you in mind. All of these, are just plain D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-O-N. This is really not worth my time looking into, I tried too hard to poison myself with other distraction to cover up these distraction, I really don't want to end up being a junkie, or just another thug. When there is lacking, there is provision, true? I don't know, but I can't stop believing, 'cause if I do, I lost the battle, and I had no room for failure.