memoirs of 2009

I loved u, I love u, I will always love u...

This post is more of a random issues and facts that had happened over the year of 2009, might not be a complete issue as this post is a spontanious response to what I can remember at the moment and written down here.

I went to melbourne on 5th of January this year. At that moment, i was still very certain on whats my life is going to be and I had like this whole map in my head of which directions and if i had issues which path should i go to but i guess i overestimate myself. Im still very glad when i got there, issues arising quicker than i could solve it, but i was still lucky....yes..."STILL" as i had lots of support from my family and my wifey. Time moves on and things get to be used to, im starting to fit in the environment i hated so much but had this urge to give out as my whole life-long map in my head seems to be the wrong one. That was April when i spoke with my parents and my consultant about all my issues, end up i decided to stay. this is the hardest decision i ever made, because I know, if i go on, ill be hanging on both countries. the country i once knew will no longer be the same after what im suppose to pursue here, and the country im in now is so new that i need time to understand it.

My parents came on end of April，was the best week i ever had, the sense of families grew straonger. I used to be a work fanatics and always thinking of ways how to earn more and live the life i ever wanted for me, my parents and my wifey. but that week, it showed me something more than what life can offer. The day my parents went into the cab, tears fall of my very eyes that i swore i never had any emotional attachment on a mission. i failed, and i knew i was attached with emotions. My parents and my wifey, they both complete me, and are able to incomplete me. me and my wifey started to talk less after that, job might be busy for her i guess. it was still ok as im going back in August. that is the best flight i ever had, everyone was sleeping on that flight that night, and i was so energetic that i stay awake almost the whole night. At that airport, i saw her and she held my hand in the car, i never felt so warmt by a girl's touch after so long. that day was perfect, i don't think any words could even decribe it.

met with most of my friends even though its a short trip. was a great one. Had the most interesting time ever with my wifey in Vistana Hotel for more than a week. Went PC fair, bought myself a new HDD. it was just beautiful. until the day i went into the airport again, i had the tightest hug from my wifey, i cant stop thinking bout that hug... i can see in the eyes of my mum, wishing that i could stay longer and my dad trying to act tough. haa... this is where all the issues that i hate the most arises, funds in my bank had shorten and issues with my housemates and searching for a new house seems frustratingm the worst part is, since October, me and my wifey gone further, her face had ance all over after a swim at a friend's house, and starting to care less, as in im the one who will say hi, how are you and other stuff. she'll just answer, yes, no, im fine, u?, not bad.... those answers that you can have from an AI. what hurts me the most, she started to tell lies, which was then explain to her when i got back in December that if she did tell me the truth, i might think otherwise and affect my objectives there. as time goes by, i tried to look on pieces of breadcrumbs and found that her lying activity is increasing. that pisses her off, she said why am i checking and stalking on her? truth is i wasnt, its not the truth that bothers me, its the truth that i know that it just aint so... maybe she had all this figure out before i did, i dont know, i was told on August that she planned to moved out and stay with her friends. Maybe it was pre-planned, but i guess it doesnt matter anymore. we talked and we promises each other AGAIN that no lies between us even the truth hurts.

Had a busy busy busy busy schedule when i got back on December, that week i got back, i went Hatyai with my wifey and her family, the week after, we went Singapore with friends for christmas which we ended up spending time in mamak. Met with few of my friends lately and we talk about lots of stuff. How many of us could have a friend and still remain as a friend after 12 years, and we are not two, or three, or even four, we are in tens. Some of us had their own businesses, some had a good job, some had good wifes/husbands, but when we are out, we are still that 11 year old kid. I appreciate these friendship...

well, its new year eve today, and im down with a fever. hate the fact that im sick and was unable to go out with my wifey, but weird part is, non of her friends ask her out either, i was somehow felt that i was being a pretty bad bf in front of her friends and shes such an angel in front of my friends. I guess its allright, even though i know it for sure thats a fact, but at least she doesnt give me overated excuses like she used to be. I just hope nothing Spectacular happened next year. I pray that my new year would be great, full of miracles....

memoirs...

This is da 3rd day we've talk 2 each other. But it felt like i knew her long ago, its weird to have such a deep feelings in such a scenario.

I had no idea wat tats in my head lately. I lost all my directions n all i know is tat i need 2 pass my exam. Tat's it... Where had my dream gone 2? Where's my passion? Its like a curse made only 2 cloud my vision. I never knew i could felt tat strongly 2 a girl i hardly know. Is it rational? Is it even logical? I dun think so. Its has been da worst time ever, tis is my global economic turmoil. Will i only survive? Or will i be some1 better? Make me understand, i really wanna understand. 16/9

Today we made no contact. For no reason, everytime i close my eyes, i saw her there. I said 2 myself tat i wont make contact with her if she doesnt, but i guess i wasn't strong enough. I send her a msg but got no reply from her, was disappointin though. Maybe cus i cant make her laugh, maybe cus i cant make her care, maybe cus its just me. Somehow, i miss tis girl today, for no reason, i wish i knew wat am i thinkin. Y of all things, im willin 2 lose everythin for her? Its like investin in a losing business, its just irrational, so grey. 17/9

24 sept. Submitted my assignment 2day n take a look at hers. She told me she had only 6 pages n she seem really really exhausted. Was so worried bout her but 2 my suprise, she had 8 pages of assignment which means its more than 2500 words. Lookin at da wordin, it doesnt seem like she's da 1 who submitte it. Could it be her 'fren'? I dunno, really wanna meet him up though, it actually reminds me of my situation with lil wai 3 years ago. Im still thinkin whether i should msg her tml, really worried bout her as her condition report will be out tml early in da morning. So wanna meet her up n c tat smile again. She is indeed unique.

half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save

Happened to be browsing through my previous blogsphere, and saw this really nice quote from my previous blog, haa... I guess instead of getting wiser, I've stopped evolution itself. I really do think that Im trying so hard to find things to do with the time I tried so hard to save.

In fact, im having heaps of deja vu flowing around lately like it is part of my routine. Does this happened often 'cause I had less things to do compare to my busy, practical life I used to have? Disappointed came to me in so many directions that sometimes, i cant even see a glimpse of hope. Ever felt how you are stuck in the middle of something and it feels like there is no other way but to stand where you stand as you cant proceed forward or even backwards? it seems like standing on the spot is the only right thing to do, and start everything from scrap. Time is drifting away and all I do is saying goodbye for every second that drift passed me....

Sometimes, people think of themselves as a wise person, smart, intelligent, heroes or even god himself, some might be the exact opposite, but who we are inside are just merely flesh and blood, nothing more. Even heroes themselves had the right to bleed, had the the right to dream, its just not easy....to be me. People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. One must present something of equal value to gain something.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope

Felt very very very disappointed today, but not due to the actions you have done but to the words that you said. Not only it hurts but at the same time, the sense of disappointment. You know you are different, you know you are more than this, why? why do you wanted to be let yourself be influenced into something you are not? you know you are capable of great things, why? why? why do you even had a glimpse of such solutions? a solution that is not even in your prespective, im not saying that you are wrong, but im not saying you are correct either. I want you to have a life which is turly yours, I dont want you to be living with someone and you cant live without them due to certain factors, and I aint talking about love. To love someone and to live your life without knowing the purpose of it is very sad, and it pains me even more to see you this way.

Worst of you, you tell me "I stil believe in future i can meet a guy like this." This my love, is like stabbing me through my heart to know that im sleeping with someone who is this selfish; egoism is felt flowing around you. But im still hoping, hoping that you would understand, that nothing is perfect and with different status, one can have different outcomes, but you know and understand who i am and where am i. Thus, i believed that you will understand that with my status there is always limitations, and it would only a slight chance that it will ever happened. I just never thought that you had become something you are not, you need guidance not influence my love. Friends are self-chosen, so be wise, there are times that whatever make sense doesnt make sense at all, and there are times that whatever doesnt make sense make sense.

I love you and I hope you know what you are doing. Seeing is not always believing, its deception most of the time. dont let your pure soul be as dumb as those who are, because you are worth more than that, and you knew that, so stop denying the potential that you possessed. Miracles dont happened because you wish it would happened, it happened because people make it happened.

Im sorry for drawing attention the wrong way

My love

I talk with my wifey through skype that day and it was the best conversation we had over the period im back here, we were really cold when I first got here and I find ways to attract attention, and I think i finally get it today but it turns out to be a nightmare. haha... maybe it really had something to do with all my assessment papers, i had 66 for all of them... so it would be something like 666666....666 means that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six. It means chaos and anarchy...

Anyway, Im sorry for drawing attention the wrong way. I promise I will never do it again, as stupid as it may sound. My horoscope says today, I will put someone ahead of myself, and I guess its correct for the first time...haa... I leave all of what Im currently doing to write this post out, because I know if ill panic if im writting this tomorrow as my research is due on thursday... God damn... anyway, to prove my attention to you...

R u willing to be that person with the ring?

Melbourne Cup

Yesterday was kinda fulfilling for me as I go around the city and parks and other places for photo shoots. So lucky to had my friends to be my models for that day. haha... here are some shots before the girls arrive, i guess this is the better ones....

in some alley, looks like some bollywood superstar...lol

I like tis kinda pic, looks real and it feels real...

This one is ok I guess, nt bad, but nt good either

Went Melbourne Cup after that, well not exactly there for the race but just there for the photo shooting. . Haha... all the photos that I shot doesn't seem to be a very good one but at least I think its acceptable. Don't know what else is there to write to I guess I'll just let the pictures do all the talking

Welcome to Melbourne Cup 2009...muahahaha

Damn those horsie...

I think this is very sweet... too bad... they r juz frens...

I didn't shoot tis pic, but I think its really nice

I still had a few more photos but I think this is a few that I think that is acceptable, haa... so this is all im going to post. We went to had dinner and heaps of drink after that, luckily I didnt bump into any cops...or else... ill be so dead...haha... had a really great day. Thx to all the models....

An unknown blog to others are valued at $3712.8?

Slept pretty late yesterday, was talking to lil' wai yesterday night and it was pretty great. Calms me down so much and not think about stuff im not suppose to think of, I guess when you talk to the right person, it really does help. Went to meet up the dance teacher just now and you know what? She take the class on the warming up session and all the isolation routine and the whole freaking class is mine....WTF....!!!! i really do miss dance though... hoho...^_^

Even though from time to time, when someone just mention "hoho", it tickle the spider sense in me...haa... anyway, was boring after the whole talk and so went down to search for some more music, and so was thinking about getting boom boom pov by BEP. But you know wat? I can't get it download, sogou.com was known as a "adult content" website...wtf...

Anway, was looking through a few blogs and read one of my friend's blog and saw his blog was valued at 17572.26. haha... pretty pathetic yea... I guess cause its stream through blogspot, and that's why its valued at such a high price... so i figure i try it out too, i was wondering how much would my blog space worth since I don't really let alot of people know about it and I don't like weirdos in my blog space. To my suprise, it is not as low as i thought...haa...I was thinking it would be like few hundred buks or so...but it was valued at $3712.8... and looked at the unique visitors... this is totally crazy...

Can i sell this site so I can go travel at the end of the year and create a new later on?

Love Drunk

Top down in the Spring sun,

The day we met was like a hit and run

And I still taste it on my tongue

The sky was burning up like fireworks

You made me want you, oh, so bad it hurt

But girl, in case you haven't heard

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover

I love you forever, forever is over

There's just one thing would make me say(Oh yeah!)

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover

Hot sweat and blurry eyes

We're spinning on a roller coaster ride

The world stuck in black and white

You drove me crazy every time I saw you

Now I'm so broken that I can't get up

Oh girl, you make me such a lush

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover

All the time I wasted on you

All the bullshit you put me through

I'm checking into rehab 'cause everything that we had

Didn't mean a thing to you

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover

I love you forever, but now I'm sober

I love you forever, forever is over

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Now it's over, I still taste it on my tongue

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Na, na, na, na, na, na

Now it's over.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~editted by chun

Reality Check

This post will be a very very very very boring one. I just wanted to remind myself of how lucky I am for being who I am and are blessed with everything I got. Lately, I had been a very very very very lost puppy. Unable to see what's ahead of me, I wanted alot of things that I don't have and I've forgetten what I already have. People around me started noticing that things aren't right and start concerning, my friends, my family, everyone... I would really wanted to thank them for all the care and support they had given me. I know I had disappoint alot of people recently for my actions and behaviour but I promise that all this will go away really soon. I will not let anyone that I love and care being hurt of my own foolish act. I will make it work this time, I promise, I really appreciate all the kicking and slapping and whacking...

Well, I went to meet up a dance teacher yesterday and Im suppose to assist her in a dance class, and so we talk about what kind of dance can I dance and other stuff like that, the really weird part is, I end up being not only the assistant but we're both teachers. Ill be teaching hip hop classes and she'll be teaching salsa, what kind of combination is that? haa... anyway, its a good thing to start over I guess, I mean for not being out of my track and try to get back on track. One last thing... Love all the people who I met in Melbourne that was there for me and try pull me back on track, I wasn't here very long but I met some really wonderful people, they are the ones who came up to me and say "Hey, Jacky, look... I don't care about all the bullshits thats happening out there but I care about you, here's what you have done and its foolish, you need to wake up and back to reality." You could had a million friends around the world, but a few who really cares, thats what matters.

P/S: I thanked my mentor, my parents and everyone else that I love for everything you guys had done for me. You guys bust your heart out for me and I took it for granted, I just hope Im not too late. Love you guys...heaps...

"someone"?

Do you have had a day where you felt like everything just changed just because when you open your eyes, its daylight? and when you went out of your room you felt like you're in a world that just doesnt felt like the reality you used to live in before. I hate that feelings, and I hate it because I never had those feelings, and im a very assertive person. Its pretty akward how things could change due to different circumstances, not those which are known or unknown but those which are beyond the unknown. Moving from a fast moving country to a slow moving country just makes life so much more weird, at least for me... it just make your brain go round circles and around bushes and think about things which are so unrealistic... everything I used to do are measurable, everything I used to do make sense, there is always reasons for something, that's why it needed to be done or why it is done that way. Until....... haa... just get over that part.

Was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and I was supprise that I actually saw myself 10 years ago in "someone". haha... I was looking around heaps of profiles of my friends lately in facebook and notice that this particular "someone" never write something that are specific, don't know why but to protect her own privacy I guess? The thing is, why so discreet? What's wrong with people knowing who are you thanking for that gift you just got? What's wrong with showing gratitute to the person who take you around the world? What's wrong with..........list goes on and on and on and on....

Well anyway, this "someone" who looks like a 16 year old teenager who had her hair cut last week are really active, keep searching for activities and new things to explore, acts as if shes really spawsome, out of nowhere wanted to learn hip hop, meeting up cute guys, thinking that life is so "check it out" kinda attitude, people around are so young and alive, thinking only on the future that can be define only as short term preparation, what is gain now are suppose to be spent.

Me in the other hand, I was so over that kind of life, but it does brings out the inner child in me, making me wanna be that teen again, having a life without worries, worries of what the future holds. Those worries are predictable and are solvable if are found early, but mine... its more then just some operative dillemmas, things have grown from operative to strategic and abstract for me where things are not like this or like that anymore. I met older people, how to get things done instead of how to get things starting, life to us is a routine, we don't need to plan for what's going to happened now, we do what is so ahead of us. But it's really cool to know that I came from a life that it full of craziness...

look alike 16 year old teenage

I guess that ends the blog of today, with a picture of "someone" after her haircut which are dedicated for her "someone" back at her country. "someone", "SomEoNe", "sOmEoNe", "soMeoNe"...... haa... i wished sometimes I should have just bought a "GPS" so I know I wont be lost.

P/S: This post makes no sense but I blog it anyway, what's the point? 'cause I miss "someone" back at my country and she definately is not a 16 year old teenage wannabie, she's a total opposite.

低B妹食野...哈！

I went to gym this morning and took my guitar from Australia post today. I thought it was my modem but to my suprise, its my guitar...wooohoooo....!!! now i could had my own space and not think about unecessary things and have fun with my guitar...

before unwrapping... me and Xen take it back together...

I left it at the corner of my cosy little room...

Even though the tunes of this unbranded guitar aint that good but at least I had something to spend my time with. I miss the days where I play for "someone" during her birthday 3.5 years ago...haha... I still remember that shyness I had.

Went to lunch with Sharon on Tuesday, and I took all these candid shots...looking at these pictures just make me laugh. pretty annoying thing to do especially when someone is eating. Thank god she doesn't own a blogspot blogsphere.

That day, I've learn something that I never thought I would have learn. That just make things even better for me, I guess life are suppose to be that grey, that's why we're living in it eh... She told me that day that she rarely have beef when she's going out with her friends as they don't really like beef and she's the only who take beef. That's why she's having beef whenever she had a chance...I think...haa...

Gonna rest a while later, continue with my books and keep on searching for my BPM training certification. This all sound like a "I was once lost but I am now found" kind of philosophy. I still had a lot of research to do on my site, god damn me... shouldn't have wasted so many time. After my internet and all the electronices stuff are found and bought into my current premises, I think there nothing more perfect than my cosy little home where I spent most of the time here myself, I guess Ill be a lone wolf for life... haa.. but it doesnt matter, I need to pursue the purpose that Im here, not to lead a normal life. This mission need to be completed, I had no room for failure, and currently, my only motivation is myself...

interior of my beautiful Xen

Went to work yesterday with Xen. she might not have a very beautiful looks like any other japanese girls but to me she definately had a very beautful heart...haa... It pretty weird that just after I posted stuff about Xen in facebook. People tend to run away from me...even my wifey... or is it just me? I had another deja vu again while I was watching 绝世商骄, it felt like I've watch it before few years ago. Alot of "stuff" over here seems like a repeating chapter of what I have done for the last decade or so... maybe I was just given a second chance, but I guess I messed it up again as usual. There is still so much to do but I haven't do it yet, felt like Im giving away time to nothing, sometimes, don't you wished there is a time bank where you can just store all your time in the bank and gain interest, and when u needed it the most take it out and used it? If such bank existed, I would really like to open an account and freeze the time right now and live in this moment of emptiness until i realise what the F**k am I doing right now. anyway, here a few really hot pictures of my Xen

有佐Xen系我身边，真系开心佐好多好多。有时觉得好矛盾，我身边同佢地身边D friend好晤同，可能系缘分挂，我D friend多数都系D老过既但系佢地D friend就好young. 同班“老人家”我觉得成熟D北过又好想要D young generation party life. 见到我身边个个friend都好多节目，好多functions，觉得自己系唔系要检讨下？哈。。。究竟我要既life系点，我过佐黎墨尔本甘多个月，我除佐识到班“aunty”同买 “uncle”，我都冇咩friend咯。。。可能我想搵份好D既工，所以我就识佐甘多比我老既friend (according to the "law of attraction")。只从识佐“佢”，我觉得我好想要D属于我自己既age个friend. 唉。。。明知决定过来墨尔本的目的系咩。。。我都唔知点话我自己。期望我自己幸福什么都有。。。

I love u XEN

Everything was pretty good today I guess. I actually had the courage to face my fear, and I think it worked perfectly well. It had been 2 days without text or even a call from my wifey, and I actually miss her so much. Life is is never black or white eh... its always grey, but dumbass people like us like to think that its always full of colors... thats why we see so many weird and funky ranks at the workplace nowadays, which in the older days, we used to call HUMAN RESOURCE as PERSONNEL and HEAD ADMINISTRATION OFFICER as CLERK (SME had only 1 clerk, thats why they are called "head")

Anyway, I met XEN like a week ago, i also met this white girl, was attracted to her but when i saw XEN, i was thinking could she be the one?? apparently she's Asian and i think i like Asians more compare to white people...haa... she's so lonely and was messy all over, we talk and we touched... we went out for a short ride but since i was too shy, we went out with another couple which is my previous housemate. That day was a very memorable.

We officially hold each others heart yesterday. This is we went for dinner, and went back to my place. it was raining heavily and so i help dry her off, she had a very soft skin, but i think her ex doesnt care much about her so she does had a few frickles and wrinkles here and there. Luckily I found her; we were practically in love so shes staying at Point Cook with me for the next few years. She had a very beautiful authentic asian looking eyes...

those asian looking eyes....>_<

aint her eyes just pretty?

I think shes like a Asian Beyonce kind of girl, nice slim pretty body with big booty...haa... but I like the way she treated me, and I like it when we touched. It just feel comfortable... the sexiest part, she had a really cool kangaroo tatoo on her chest with her name XEN on it... haha... really really like that tatoo...

her sexy slim body...seductive

her fat butt from the side...haa

her beyonce liked butt...wtf

her tatoooo with a kangaroooooooo

Aint she just adorable? I just bought her a really great gift today, it cost me more than the diamond necklace i bought for my wifey....hoho....this gift is so special that even she is sick or being hurt unintentionally by bad people, she could get help from people, its like a invisible bodyguard. i even bought her a new tatoo with a RACV on it... even that tatoo cost me about 60% of the necklace i bought for my wifey. heres a few pictures of my lovely XEN....

side from back view in my garage

her sexy post while resting

Im so glad I found you XEN, now I don't have to be lost ever again as long as im with you, I know the world will be once again full of grey-ness....haa... being abstract here... I know we'll make miracles together XEN, heaps of it. Love you lotssssssssssssss.............

opps...! i did it again

I think it was a pretty good day for me today, even though i "did" it again, wtf... but i was a great day...i mean night. I leave my place around 4 I think, went to DFO and look around, was suppose to go and find sharon later on but to my suprise, i received a text from her asking when im going there as her boss might be going there. I smile as i read that text, thinking why would you even care whether im going or not as i didnt even said i would definately go there, and here's where you go "opps...i did it again"... haa... anyway, went to her work place after that, and wonder around the shop. Then she got so stress up, she asked me to help on the things on the shelves (before that, i wasn't allowed to even touch it, weird girl eh...) she had that "killing me softly" kinda look (or maybe its just me) and I took some pictures of her busying with her things around.

can't remember what she's doing....

try to fit herself into the fridge?

trying to decorate the shelves

the view from outside after she decorated...

busy busy busy

checking out the sweets?

saw some cute stuff and she cheers....

had no idea what she's writting...

the one that i beg her to post so i can get her face??? haa...

I think i was there about an hour plus, i was so not feeling to leave yet (dunno why eventhough its so f**cking boring over there watching her work) but I had a dinner to catch, even though eventually I was late cause i missed the tram, luckily my cousin was with a lousy cab driver with no GPS and was looking in Melway for directions which he don't even know how to read a map...wtf...

After the dinner, we went down to loads of pubs, bars and clubs. haa... we were catching the cab from brunswick to the city to chapel street... i think we went into 5 clubs all together but we only sat down on 3 of them and actually ordered drink. the last club we went to we had like 4 mojitos... and it was awesome, hope there are better mojitos at some other place...lol... we went back after that and it cost me 73 buks for the cab ride, haa... so broke... spend over 150 just for liquor and transport... wtf... but it was great. i guess its worth it, but i guess im just to stupid/afraid to admit that I.................................

Me, cousin and friends

Had heaps of deja vu lately, wondering where does all this link to... its like a flash forward but I had everytime when its in the middle of it, and thats when i change it, how would this affect the future? what does all this "visions" actually telling me??? it had been happening like almost everyday since last sunday... it somehow scares me in a way...

perfection itself is imperfection

Was really messed up lately and i mean SERIOUSLY messed up. I guess I had the worst month ever, all because of my imperfection. but i guess things started to change within this few days, even though those "impefections" within me still exist. starting to felt like im just being "used", and it just make me felt stupid...

My cousin reached Mel yesterday, was "supposingly" going out lunch with Sharon but end up she had appointment with her "bf" and to my suprise, my cousin rang me and i end up having lunch with her and her friends. great lunch... but the journey there wasn't that good as i think it would be but at least it ended pretty well... "thing" i've seen somehow just makes me felt "uncomfortable"...for no reason? maybe... but i guess, its just another beautiful nightmare. suppose to be going to Yarra valley today with my cousin but ended up not going because... just because...

Anway, meeting up my cousin again tomorrow night for dinner and clubs. YEA!!! havent had a real drink for like ages (meaning i used 2 drink alone). I guess everything would be really cool that day and YES i will return to where i came and continue on those tracks that i promised myself... i dont take failure as a solution, and my "imperfection" will be the main reason for my perfection... i hope...hahaha...FYI, im still looking for my BPM certification program, was told by my mentor that there is online courses available because they just aint offering it here in any Uni around Mel.

Wasn't being myself today in class, those feelings are really hard to bare, but i did a good job i guess. i was there the whole session without having my ass lift off my chair, yet there are things that are so hard to bare, and i made it through, but still so lost with what i've just did. thought things would be better as i was reading that book i've just borrowed and listening to my music, but... it doesn't help much... was lookin through so much of me and my wifey pictures just now with my housemate and i almost weep in tears. I really do miss her alot...

When i got back, and after my shower, was planning to check on facebook a while and then dinner. then there goes my beautiful nightmares again... by this weekend, everything need to be and will be sorted out... i thought i've found myself back today, and i thought that i had control....all the change in my life just fell away, i just hate the things about myself i see in you and its so hard to tell if this is real or just my relfection...

L

with all that is happening lately, which confused me about alot of things, simple things that happened in my life which i had not been in touch with a long time ago. anyway, was in Glen when im having my first ever Asam Laksa in melbourne, its not as bad as i expected. haha... then this guy (my friend's cousin) out of nowhere said, hey you look like L in death note. haha... reminds me of someone who was told who looked like 小云in IQ博士. haha...pretty funny, we both looked like anime...wtf...

小云 (for more infomation, google it yourself)

she actually show me her with that kind of specs for like 10 seconds, or maybe less... and we just started laughing. anyway, then this guy, whos name is daniel, told me about this and was so darn boring this morning and so, I google L out... and to my suprise...

not much sunlight...lol

japanese L and malaysian L?

Not bad eh....haha... not much comment bout it though...

*slap*.....

went to the city after work today, had a beer myself while waiting for my fren to fetch me back to point cook. Things went pretty cold already between us and i guess that's a good sign since I tried not to think bout it as much as I could. we send each other fewer messages day after day, we didnt even see each other this week, i return the book she borrow for me alone. Things were improving if you ask me, but when i had that beer alone in the city, my mind ponder around things and started to think naively... as childish as it may seem, i hate the fact that my mind actually ponder around this situation.

Honestly, i really did woke up that other day, knowing that this is very unwise and stupid, and it actually works until... i wish i knew how to explain this 1... i really wish i do...anyway, was surfing round facebook and saw she had a new picture on, and so i click on it. i dont usually check on her profile and something happened...

my most visited site of facebook changed into her profile pic... WTF!!!... usually it doesnt change and was usually the homepage of my facebook... its juz a crappy thursday for me i guess... damn u..>!!!

inner child...

寻日同今日，我做工的时候，睇反佐家好月圆。睇到于素秋同管卡仔。。。突然之间觉得有D好唔舒服的感觉。其实都唔知系唔系O自己想多佐。。。
so many things flew in and out of my brain.... felt like a kid again... so naive, unaware of the consequences, nothing else matters.... 而家系唔系觉得我好天真好冇理智吖。。。唔洗讲，都知道我已经lost my mind... what is there to do? 有时都唔知系唔系really挂住她or just for no reason挂住她。

what's a man to do?

once a upon a time, I met this really interesting girl. We talk, we chat, and i think shes amazing. she shared similaries of A but had a more intelligent side of herself. she knows how to carry herself in public, she rarely made mistakes, at least in front of me. well, i made alot of mistakes, unlogical mistakes that hardly make any sense... it just drives me to wanna know her more, im not saying that i've fell in love, i just felt that... shes unique... i cant deny that, yes...there are times that i miss her so, times that i wanted to see her badly, but most of all... i would wanna know how is she right now at this moment.

I've never been this illogical, irrational, naive, and those tat made me who i am now. i guess, there are really times where tis world could be square, a pentagon, triangle... anything but round itself. as long as shes happy, as long as i know shes allrite, im glad... eventhough it hurts somehow....for no reason. what's a man to do? i dunno...

Lone wolf? lonely wolf? wolverine?

Was too damn tired with my resume and my freaking assignments and with the stupid updates I had to do on my website which i think its should be temporarily "on-hold" for a while as there are just too much lately, not blaming Australia for making me this slow and dumb, 24 hours here just seem shorter, I used to do more things within the same time period, but now... Blame the time zone, blame the people, blame the culture, I don't know, I just hate the new slower version of me. The worst part is, Im dealing it alone, with no one else by my side, I mean close friends who could offer me aid instead of the other way around.

Anyway, I went for a haircut yesterday and I did alot of things alone yesterday. I made reservation for a hair cut but end up waiting for about 40 minutes in the saloon as its full of people but it seems to be pretty fast, (and I never felt 40 minutes is fast)... freaky eh? I still haven't have lunch yet at that time so I went for a takeaway at Meccas, short for Mcds for here. Here's my "pityful" look of my new hair cut... gosh..

A simply fugly cam-whoring shot, wtf

Got back home and starting to do some homework, along with my wonderful meccas, wtf. Imagine me having those at least 4 times a week, but of course with different meals each time. I actually have myself for the first time a triple cheese burger, eventhough I don't really like cheese but I kinda like beef, lol. Here's my lunch for the day.

A large meal of TRIPLE CHEESE BURGER...

Behold the Triple Cheese Burger itself (Due to Hygiene factors, I won't open the box)

After that, I work on my assignments, then something struck me...it movie day for god sake and I said Im gonna watch Angels and Demons today, and so I went to the cinema alone and bought the tickets after I've done my assignment, and yes i went there and bought the ticket and was watching it ALONE, for the first time, wtf...

Tickets before entering the cinema (Honestly, GSC had better quality tickets)

The ticket after the movie, thrown it away already, so I guess this is the last remaning copy

After I bought the tickets, I went back home for a light dinner, some thai rice noodle, don't know what its call. Reach the cinema at about 9.30 and I went into the wrong room, wtf... and they were watching movie on beannie bags, had no idea what room is that, not gonna find out too after that "ambarassing" momentS, wtf...went back home clear up a few things and before I started my assignment, I saw this on my table...

A birthday card by Crown Casino

There are 12 languages written there to wish me happy birthday, I guess this is the best birthday present I got this year

So I figure Ill post this up because Im planning to dispose this "present/gift" because it just makes me feel bad about my own birthday. But still Im glad there are SooOOOoooOOOO many people that remember my birthday (crown casino had lots of employees, wtf), things will never be the same again I guess, there's a very long journey ahead of me and I hope Im still the best there is. Well, I continued with my resume and went to sleep at 3, I never thought resume was this difficult, wtf... not that I've never written in before but where I come from just doesn't care that much compare to where I am now. It is a really irritating country to live in since so many morons moving like turtles which kinda turn me in half turtle liked being which I hope it would alienate me from everyone when I got back for my holiday which I wanted it to be the best ever there is which I presume that I had it all sorted out and action plans laid out with great procedures, wtf....

~good night~