Are you willing to fight for OUR future?

Being back with my wifey isn't all happiness but sadly, there is still doubt in this relationship. She promise will care more about things and never cross the line again. Fact is, Im still doubting it. Deep inside my heart, with all that she told me, is she willing to fight for our future now? or is she just another girl who thinks that men should do all the duty while she party off everyday? When I fell in love with this girl, I took her in as my soul mate. I never thought that after 4 years, she told me the exact opposite of what she told me 4 years ago. I was deeply disappointed, not because she had grown into a more socially adapt person, but because that she forgot what she said to me. Im really afraid that 1 day she might leave and take away all I had, Im confused and was pinned down with so many issues right here right now, I never thought she would be giving me such an emotional tension in such a complicated scenario. Should I go before it ends? or should I stay and leave when she want to stay? Im getting a feeling that she's just another person who will stand there and watch while you're been beaten up, maybe I am just another tool. I really do hope Im wrong, but I don't have much time either, give myself another few more months maybe? Give me a reason why would someone want to be with someone who will only share joy and wealth with you and not while your pinned down and humiliated, give me a reason why should I fight for a future that had you in the picture while yours never had mine?

I miss my dad, I heard he got really sick, and my wifey who's living in the same house know nothing about it. It hurts me so much to know that the person I love, made no effort in showing the same love to my family. I still remember when my dad was so sick in the last few months and im so so so worry about him, so I ask my wifey to take care of him, she promised. But she still goes on with her party life, leaving all the caring to my aunt. I pitied my dad, he did so much for this ungrateful girl, taking the car for services, had her cheque bank in for her, but her.... she never even ever buy dinner for my dad, or even help clean the house. Im tired of fighting alone, for a future that had an unreal person in it, who I thought was worth it.

Should I be ridding solo? while waiting for someone who would really appreciate what she had, or what she was given. Im not a religious person but, most of the time, I think its just unfair, she really doesn't deserve all of this.

again? why?

one of my friend posted some new pictures of my "wifey" on the day that they went hiking together, I noticed that there is "someone" missing from the picture and soon enough I knew the answer, then I ask my "wifey" about it. She said no, that "someone" didnt had pictures taken with them, but I already knew that that "someone" indeed had a few pictures taken with them, but she deny it. Fair enough, so i ask her whether she is sure, it took her quite some time to reply though, maybe chatting with someone else? then when the reply came, she said there is a few pictures but that "someone" would want it to be posted cause his girlfriend might be unhappy and stuff. Then, I ask again, did you just happened to remember that or is there any other reason you wanted to hide from me? she said she just remember that, akwardly enough... she told me that she got that memory card from that "someone" last week and hand it over to a friend today, and she remembered to tell her that that "someone" wouldn't want his picture to be posted due to the reasons mentioned above, is it really just a coincident that my "wifey" just happened to forget it and remember about it when i reconfirm with her? It's really hard to believe since after a week she could remember to tell her friend the same info which I ask on the same day and she forget all about it until I reconfirm with her.

Putting that aside, I ask my "wifey" since you know that this "someone" cheats on his own girlfriend and not telling the truth, will you do the same? she said NO, she will never be anything like him, in my oppinion, you just did. You screwed up your lies pretty badly... and it hurts me so much to not understand why my heart still beats for you so much. I guess the price I need to pay is this, even though I alone can withstand hell alone, but I fall for a girl like her, I pitied myself, and I really don't know what to do... All I can do now is pray, pray that everything that I ever thought off is wrong, pray that everything you told me isn't just trying to hit around the bushes and if I stop asking, you get away with it... Why? why can't you just take off your shield when you are talking to me? You know all I seek is truth, no matter how it hurts, I still want the truth, at least I can be decisive on my decisions... I indeed chose to be blind most of the time.

life?

In asian culture, we had a saying 种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆, it means you sow what you had planted, but in reality. Its never like that, I've been through life where each and every person pays a different price. Call it unfair if you want it, but that's just the ugly side of reality. I had devoted all my love to a person, I remember every details, every moment, but its a pity. I lost it, distance makes a difference, but what if you are a nobody? what if there is no opportunity in where you are now and that's the reason you go far away, to make a better future. What if one day, if you didn't took this opportunity which is supposingly far far away, you end up worse than I am today? What if one day, I've broken down, lost everything, no cars, no fancy clothes to make what's Im not? and that person that I devoted my love for the entire life is all that I got? she is practically my life....Why am I ask for more? why am I ask to move heaven and earth? Just to prove that my love is worth?

Memories had flew through my head so much lately, couldn't even forget the day we kissed, the day we hold each others hand so tight, the day we look at the sky and make a wish of how our future will be like. Can i just pretend that airplanes in the night sky like shooting star? I could really used a wish right now....