Yes or No?

Yesterday, I told my wifey alot about life, I believe that she doesn't understand it at all. Life is a cost and effect of one chain to another. One is not able to change the world but so does the world wasn't able to change a man. Seems contradicting but its a fact, life starts by giving not by taking, when you take too much, one day you will realise you haven't paid the price and vice versa. My brain is so haywired today and I can't really gave speeches on this. Point is, there is a major differences between the period im back and the period im gone, which is exactly 51 days from this post.

I've told you how much you took everything for granted and you had been so irresponsible on everything you do and still you keep denying it and not knowing where you went wrong. You are so blinded by the temptations you had in your outside world, and you ignore all the ones who really care, you can't even differentiate what are true friends and what are just friends, how in the name of buddha you knew who is your friends? Im tired, seriously... I felt like I've lose control but in control as everything around me needs me to be in control and I nearly collapse a few times and you weren't even there. Im starting to know a different person, you look and talk so like her, but heart of another person, I fell in love and I gave this person all heart, but will this heart ever be found again? or will it just be locked away in Davey Jones locker?

I was told to give myself until August and see how things goes around before a solid, rational decision is made, do not make decision based on emotions. I couldn't agree more, but how can a heart made of blood and flesh endure such pain while this heart had so much more to endure in the process? I thought I've raise you up wifey, I thought I really do, but I guess Im wrong. I really don't know what to do but Im building courage to withstand what is going to happened, no matter what the consequences is, I do because I love you too much, because I will see you everytime I closed my eyes, because I knew that at least you found joy in being this new person. I never felt such agony, emotionally collapsed, will I endure it? I really don't know, and it is the only thing that I can't be assure of.

the question for today, is it a Yes or is it a No? both are very painful decisions, but I guess this is just life. I've paid the price, and I've taken what my price can offer, I guess I really don't understand your "industry", wifey. I guess a professor who never even work in a financial market won't be able to save the world from the economic crisis after all. As my wifey would say, you will understand when you are in the industry. So bugger off you muthafcuking academic dickh3ads... stop telling everyone through media how to save the economy, you never even work in the fcuking financial market before, and you will never understand, I worked in the financial market, so listen up, im defiantely more fcuking qualified to save the world economy.

Moral of the last paragraph, we live in a knowledge and digital economy, not an experienced economy. so please be fcuking grew up, open your eyes. Life is not by living in it, you knew what it is...