Most of the time, people say when you woke up the next morning, its a brand new day, with brand new hope. But what if hope isn't the usual routine? what if disappointment is? what if you woke up the next time, you bring your cheery faces and outlook out that door just to found out that it end up in disappointment? Laugh at me all you can, but everything seems to be abit more than just coincident to me, everything was pretty and beautiful when I enter my dreamworld, the next day, everything changes, my life status changes, my lifestyle changes, my eating habits changes, people around me changes... worse part is, its not evolution, it devolution... its seem like deja vu all together to me, the moment I step my feet on this country, I heard rumors that policies are changing, luckily it doesnt affect me as im not in one of those fields, so I count myself lucky. But since disappointment is part of my routine in life, policies changes not only affect those mentioned in the "rumors" but also me, its almost impossible for me to get a PR here without a freaking job which is so specific, that is totally impossible for me to achieve it without having great, strong connections with people at high places.
secondly, relationships get worse. it's forseeable that long distance does affect it somehow, but not to this extent which I had totally no idea whats happening. she said she changed to the better, i said she lost her true self while changing. To me, her changes is like the beginning of a metamorphesis. A butterfly effect if you want to call it. Then she started to forget about things she promised me, maybe she does that often to other people but not usually me. our anniversary is coming next tuesday. I hope she remember and will give me a call, hope there wont be another disappointment there. I know, there will be people wondering why should a girl call me instead of me calling her? I mean, since she had been taking me for granted for so long, I think she should have at least remember when is our anniversary. If she does remember, i think she will call, if she doesnt, than I guess, Im really just another passer-by.
thirdly, is my freaking housemates, gosh... now i understand why women are the only homosapiens that live longer than men...haa... not like theres any other being... it really hard to be stucked in the mess of these to bitches. honestly, they are the bitches among bitches, i mean if you 2 bitches would want a bitch fight, go on... bitch fight among yourselves... why should I be involved? Along the road...YES, I made some really stupid silly decision in trusting bitches, I agreed to pay full rent and they pay me... I shouldn't have agreed, if something goes wrong... it not only affect my future but also those who had helped me so much in getting this house. It does always start with the girl....it always does... moral of the story, bitches will always be bitches, they never learnt until they start living on the streets themselves without their mummies and daddies... oh...maybe they will only be worse, stray bitches...
fourthly, me, nothing else goes smooth for me, everyday I woke up thinking what kind of disappointment am I gonna face today? my friends told me i should be optimistic on such situation as there is always another side of looking at things, I said I know, but im not headed to that direction. I lost not only my own self confident, i lost my esteem, my support, hope, dreams, passion of life, socialisation, and all others that you can ever think of. Yes, I know... its a disappointment to see me like this, so am I. Im still here, surviving, but this battle seems never ending... I felt im not striking it hard enough, I just merely trying to survive through the day. I said to myself, as long as I saw a glimpse of hope, I wont give up over here... but isn't that just irrational? pursuing hope blindly? I never believed that all good deeds will be rewarded and all that is bad will be punished... we live in a chaotic world, its only just when it is stated in "just" way, there is no simple statement like "killing is violence", while you see armies around the world waging wars among countries killing people. Thats what the world we are living in call "kill to purify the world"...
secondly, relationships get worse. it's forseeable that long distance does affect it somehow, but not to this extent which I had totally no idea whats happening. she said she changed to the better, i said she lost her true self while changing. To me, her changes is like the beginning of a metamorphesis. A butterfly effect if you want to call it. Then she started to forget about things she promised me, maybe she does that often to other people but not usually me. our anniversary is coming next tuesday. I hope she remember and will give me a call, hope there wont be another disappointment there. I know, there will be people wondering why should a girl call me instead of me calling her? I mean, since she had been taking me for granted for so long, I think she should have at least remember when is our anniversary. If she does remember, i think she will call, if she doesnt, than I guess, Im really just another passer-by.
thirdly, is my freaking housemates, gosh... now i understand why women are the only homosapiens that live longer than men...haa... not like theres any other being... it really hard to be stucked in the mess of these to bitches. honestly, they are the bitches among bitches, i mean if you 2 bitches would want a bitch fight, go on... bitch fight among yourselves... why should I be involved? Along the road...YES, I made some really stupid silly decision in trusting bitches, I agreed to pay full rent and they pay me... I shouldn't have agreed, if something goes wrong... it not only affect my future but also those who had helped me so much in getting this house. It does always start with the girl....it always does... moral of the story, bitches will always be bitches, they never learnt until they start living on the streets themselves without their mummies and daddies... oh...maybe they will only be worse, stray bitches...
fourthly, me, nothing else goes smooth for me, everyday I woke up thinking what kind of disappointment am I gonna face today? my friends told me i should be optimistic on such situation as there is always another side of looking at things, I said I know, but im not headed to that direction. I lost not only my own self confident, i lost my esteem, my support, hope, dreams, passion of life, socialisation, and all others that you can ever think of. Yes, I know... its a disappointment to see me like this, so am I. Im still here, surviving, but this battle seems never ending... I felt im not striking it hard enough, I just merely trying to survive through the day. I said to myself, as long as I saw a glimpse of hope, I wont give up over here... but isn't that just irrational? pursuing hope blindly? I never believed that all good deeds will be rewarded and all that is bad will be punished... we live in a chaotic world, its only just when it is stated in "just" way, there is no simple statement like "killing is violence", while you see armies around the world waging wars among countries killing people. Thats what the world we are living in call "kill to purify the world"...
