perfection itself is imperfection

Was really messed up lately and i mean SERIOUSLY messed up. I guess I had the worst month ever, all because of my imperfection. but i guess things started to change within this few days, even though those "impefections" within me still exist. starting to felt like im just being "used", and it just make me felt stupid...

My cousin reached Mel yesterday, was "supposingly" going out lunch with Sharon but end up she had appointment with her "bf" and to my suprise, my cousin rang me and i end up having lunch with her and her friends. great lunch... but the journey there wasn't that good as i think it would be but at least it ended pretty well... "thing" i've seen somehow just makes me felt "uncomfortable"...for no reason? maybe... but i guess, its just another beautiful nightmare. suppose to be going to Yarra valley today with my cousin but ended up not going because... just because...

Anway, meeting up my cousin again tomorrow night for dinner and clubs. YEA!!! havent had a real drink for like ages (meaning i used 2 drink alone). I guess everything would be really cool that day and YES i will return to where i came and continue on those tracks that i promised myself... i dont take failure as a solution, and my "imperfection" will be the main reason for my perfection... i hope...hahaha...FYI, im still looking for my BPM certification program, was told by my mentor that there is online courses available because they just aint offering it here in any Uni around Mel.

Wasn't being myself today in class, those feelings are really hard to bare, but i did a good job i guess. i was there the whole session without having my ass lift off my chair, yet there are things that are so hard to bare, and i made it through, but still so lost with what i've just did. thought things would be better as i was reading that book i've just borrowed and listening to my music, but... it doesn't help much... was lookin through so much of me and my wifey pictures just now with my housemate and i almost weep in tears. I really do miss her alot...

When i got back, and after my shower, was planning to check on facebook a while and then dinner. then there goes my beautiful nightmares again... by this weekend, everything need to be and will be sorted out... i thought i've found myself back today, and i thought that i had control....all the change in my life just fell away, i just hate the things about myself i see in you and its so hard to tell if this is real or just my relfection...

L

with all that is happening lately, which confused me about alot of things, simple things that happened in my life which i had not been in touch with a long time ago. anyway, was in Glen when im having my first ever Asam Laksa in melbourne, its not as bad as i expected. haha... then this guy (my friend's cousin) out of nowhere said, hey you look like L in death note. haha... reminds me of someone who was told who looked like 小云in IQ博士. haha...pretty funny, we both looked like anime...wtf...

小云 (for more infomation, google it yourself)

she actually show me her with that kind of specs for like 10 seconds, or maybe less... and we just started laughing. anyway, then this guy, whos name is daniel, told me about this and was so darn boring this morning and so, I google L out... and to my suprise...

not much sunlight...lol

japanese L and malaysian L?

Not bad eh....haha... not much comment bout it though...

*slap*.....

went to the city after work today, had a beer myself while waiting for my fren to fetch me back to point cook. Things went pretty cold already between us and i guess that's a good sign since I tried not to think bout it as much as I could. we send each other fewer messages day after day, we didnt even see each other this week, i return the book she borrow for me alone. Things were improving if you ask me, but when i had that beer alone in the city, my mind ponder around things and started to think naively... as childish as it may seem, i hate the fact that my mind actually ponder around this situation.

Honestly, i really did woke up that other day, knowing that this is very unwise and stupid, and it actually works until... i wish i knew how to explain this 1... i really wish i do...anyway, was surfing round facebook and saw she had a new picture on, and so i click on it. i dont usually check on her profile and something happened...

my most visited site of facebook changed into her profile pic... WTF!!!... usually it doesnt change and was usually the homepage of my facebook... its juz a crappy thursday for me i guess... damn u..>!!!

inner child...

寻日同今日，我做工的时候，睇反佐家好月圆。睇到于素秋同管卡仔。。。突然之间觉得有D好唔舒服的感觉。其实都唔知系唔系O自己想多佐。。。
so many things flew in and out of my brain.... felt like a kid again... so naive, unaware of the consequences, nothing else matters.... 而家系唔系觉得我好天真好冇理智吖。。。唔洗讲，都知道我已经lost my mind... what is there to do? 有时都唔知系唔系really挂住她or just for no reason挂住她。

what's a man to do?

once a upon a time, I met this really interesting girl. We talk, we chat, and i think shes amazing. she shared similaries of A but had a more intelligent side of herself. she knows how to carry herself in public, she rarely made mistakes, at least in front of me. well, i made alot of mistakes, unlogical mistakes that hardly make any sense... it just drives me to wanna know her more, im not saying that i've fell in love, i just felt that... shes unique... i cant deny that, yes...there are times that i miss her so, times that i wanted to see her badly, but most of all... i would wanna know how is she right now at this moment.

I've never been this illogical, irrational, naive, and those tat made me who i am now. i guess, there are really times where tis world could be square, a pentagon, triangle... anything but round itself. as long as shes happy, as long as i know shes allrite, im glad... eventhough it hurts somehow....for no reason. what's a man to do? i dunno...